Scots To Play Everyone But Scottish People In The Highlander Remake

"There can be only one you wee jessie!"

An early costume test.

The remake of Highlander is looking to cast the cream of Scottish acting talent but Director Cedric Nicolas-Troyan has no intention of casting them as Scottish people.

Nicolas-Troyan’s casting assistant Dan Inzider said that this was a deliberate homage to the original film. “If there is one thing that the original Highlander proved it’s that people have no interest in Scots playing people from Scotland. That film has become a huge cult favourite despite Christopher Lambert sounding about as Scottish as Che Guevara. This is even truer of Braveheart, if you used that accent in Glasgow on a Saturday night someone would rightly assume you were taking the piss and hand you your own lungs. Do it in a film for nearly 3 hours and they hand you an Oscar. Then of course there is Simon Pegg in Star Trek which is about as close as you get to Scottish blackface without wearing a ginger wig and a tam o’ shanter. The bottom line is that if you want your Scotland based film to be successful the last thing you want to do is have actual Scots being Scottish in it.”

Despite this Inzider is looking to cast a number of high profile Scottish actors. “I’m currently talking to Ewan McGregor’s people about the part of a foppish, immortal French Duke and James Mcavoy’s agent for the role of a no nonsense Chicago cop, Karen Gillan is going to be the Queen of Spain and John Hannah has already agreed to play a hillbilly alligator breeder. That’s what is so great about Scottish actors. They are really good at doing accents that aren’t Scottish.”

There are rumours that Tom Cruise is circling the project for the mentor role originally made famous by Sean Connery. “We’re very keen for Tom to be a part of this project.” Says Inzider. “Part of the reason his character has survived so long is because he is so short that every attempt to decapitate him literally goes over his head. It makes his eventual death all the more tragic.”

Entertainment journalist Mecalf Van Cleef said that Cruise’s involvement wouldn’t surprise him. “Tom has a history of success with genre films and I can see that this is something that would interest him. I think the thing that would clinch it would be if they added a scene where his character has to sprint towards the camera as fast as he can. He does love to run free like a stallion.”

When asked about the casting of non-Scottish actors in Scottish roles Aberdeen resident Fergus Glennie said “They’re aff their heeds if they cast that glaikit wee heid-the-baw. That load a twanny scunners can kiss ma mawkit behooky!” Inzider has promised to respond to the criticism once someone explains what Glennie actually said.


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