“What Do You Mean Scarlett Isn’t Asian?” Says DreamWorks

Beautiful, talented but above all Caucasian.

Beautiful, talented but above all Caucasian.

DreamWorks studios are currently reeling from the revaluation that Scarlett Johansson isn’t Asian. DreamWorks have announced that Johansson has been cast in the leading role of their adaptation of well-known anime series Ghost in the Shell and the backlash has taken by surprise.

“We are completely taken aback.” Said Anne Incider, DreamWorks Executive Vice President of Cultural Appropriation. “I honestly didn’t realise. Are you absolutely sure she isn’t? I could have sworn she looks it a bit around the eyes.”

“We thought we’d hit a home run by casting an Asian actor that has real box office appeal because everyone loves Scar-Jo. I mean we’re not going to recast now we’ve found out, that would be box office suicide, but I give you my word that I will assign an intern to feel really guilty about it for a couple of days.”

Entertainment guru Medcalf Van Cleef said that this isn’t the first time that this sort of thing has happened. “Most studios think that if you have a face that doesn’t look like a Californian supermodel you must be from a different race. That race is just known as “foreign” with no actual understanding of the different cultures, beliefs and heritage. It’s exactly this kind of crap that gets Keanu Reeves linked with Akira and don’t even get me started on Benedict Cumberbatch, Earth’s whitest man, being cast as everyone from Khan Noonian Singh to Martin Luther King.”

When presented with this statement Anne Incider was incredulous. “Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t Asian either? This whole experience has certainly been an education for me. I don’t know as much about racial diversity as I thought I did. Though one thing that can say with confidence is that Asians are the people that you can’t get wet or feed after midnight…that’s right isn’t it?”

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