Ant-Man’s Box Office To Be As Amusingly Small As It’s Poster
Leaked information from the Marvel press office has revealed that the marketing campaign for Ant-Man has been deliberately engineered to play up how amusing small things are so it’s eventually pitiful box office takings will seem like part of the gag.
The source of the leak, Dan Inzider, said it has all been carefully planned by Marvel’s Propaganda and Gullibility department. “We’ve all seen the footage and there has been some hand wringing as the feeling is that we have a dud on our hands. Then Someone said that Ant-Man having a smaller box office was kind of ironic and that set minds turning to how we could convince people to not only expect small things from Ant-Man but to think that they were a good thing.”
“So we released the trailer in a tiny format and that was very well received and then we released a tiny poster and people are really beginning to take to the idea that everything to do with Ant-Man will be small. By the time the film make barely enough money to cover Paul Rudd’s gym membership everyone will think it is the culmination of a well-executed series of tiny man gags.”
Disney’s Head of Publicity, Anne Incider, denies their subsidiary company is trying to put a positive slant on a poor film and further said that having the film underperform was always part of the plan. “We have a very complicated business strategy. We have huge whiteboards covered in all sorts of equations and connections to do with cause and effect. It looks like Stephen Hawking’s basement would if he ever became a serial killer. No one can know the complete plan or they will be driven instantly insane. Miley Cyrus stumbled upon the whole thing by accident and a fortnight later she was twerking about the place with her tongue hanging out so we sent her to the MTV awards where she was blending in nicely until she somehow got on the stage.”
“Of course Ant-Man was always intended to be a box office failure. Why else would we have originally hired Edgar Wright?”